

โOne, if you had a piece of meat โ however whorish he may be โ in your bed, Iโd hope you wouldnโt answer your phone. And two because as hot and juicy as that piece of meat may be, you know the moment you sink your teeth into it, youโre gonna be fucked, one way or another.โโWouldnโt mind being fucked,โ I mutter. My mind instantly giving me an action packed โ and unfortunately short โ mental replay of my momentous fuckup last night with Matt. His hands burning through my dress, the taste of him on my tongue, the feel of his hard cock pressing into meโฆ
โJust go part the pink sea and have a one-finger hate-hug with your vagina,โ she says, matter-of-factly.
I make an exaggerated gagging noise. โDo not say the word vagina.โ
โWhy canโt I say vagina, vag, vaaaagiiiiiiinnnnnaaaaa,โ she starts to sing.ย
I canโt stop the giggle and donโt even try because Natalie singing about the business end of lady town is just hysterical. When I can finally compose myself, I explain. โThat word is so โฆ so โฆ itโs just eww. Pussy, beaver, minge, foo-foo, punani, snatch; all of that is fine. But vagina, nuh-uh.โNow Nat laughs at me which in turn just makes me smile. I scooch down the bed and snuggle deeper into the mattress to get comfortable.
ย
โAnd I donโt hate my hoohaa so why would I be giving it an abusive finger-bang?โ
ย
โYouโre right. You might damage yourself and then youโd never get anywhere near the infamous Mini WDโ Matt was named โMini Walking Dildoโ by my friend Mac since he is Noahโs little brother and Noah is the original โWalking Dildoโ โ well before he met my sister that is.
ย
โTrue story,โ I reply.
ย
โExactly. You donโt need your downtown to be out of order. You never know when the next big train might come rolling in.โ


โMy best pick up line?โโYep. Hit me with it,โ I goad.โYou sure you can handle it, Matty boy?”
I chuckle at the challenge. โBring it on, Legs.โ
โStill donโt get the legs thing,โ she mutters.
โItโs because every time I see them I imagine them wrapped around my head.”ยย
She chokes down the phone and then the line goes eerily quiet.
ย
โMia?โ
ย
โIโm here. Just hitting pause on that mental image and saving it for later.โ Now itโs my turn to swallow my tongue.
ย
โJesus, woman. Warn a guy before you throw out the Viagra lines.โ
ย
โWhat?โ she says, choking down laughter.
ย
โWords like that take a man from floppy to stabby in zero point five seconds.โ
ย
โWhat can I say, itโs a gift.โ

